I used to think Hell was a continuous loop of Entertainment E-News or Leonard Cohen songs.

Now I’m convinced it’s a continuous loop of any show on Bravo.

I go to sleep early; Amy winds down by watching bad TV on the computer, including the Real Housewives of Anywhere, and Millionaire Matchmaker (optimistic bias?).

On a possibly recent episode, Patti the Matchmaker introduces Z-list actress Tori Spelling as a woman who has it all and evidence that women can do it all.

Tori plays faux homemaker for Patti and the douchebag-looing-for-a-mommy woman, baking some stuff, and inviting the guests to sit down, asking, “do you mind sitting at a table with a chicken?”

While the people engage in some horrible banter, the chicken is walking around the table, munching on biscuits, and acting like it owns the place.

T-list Tori has flashed her poultry before, and was involved in a dubious promotion of soft-serve ice-cream for expectant women at Baskin Robbins in 2008.

Just cook it doesn’t cut it.

Especially when 10 per cent of 42 samples of packaging on chicken is contaminated with campylobacter on the outside.

(And another reason to wrap any poultry in extra plastic, especially if placing into a reusable bag.)

The Royal Environmental Health Institute of Scotland and other groups said the study confirmed the results of a previous survey by the group that also showed that approximately 10% of samples were contaminated.

The Chairman of the West of Scotland Food Liaison Group (WOSFLG), Mr Leslie Paton said, “We know that it is fairly common to find Campylobacter in raw chicken but we were quite concerned about the extent to which the external surfaces of the packaging were also contaminated. There are implications for anyone handling such packaging and consumers should take care as there is a possibility of cross contamination to other surfaces and foods.”

 Who knew Manchester, U.K., had such fancy hotels?

Diners at Salford's luxury Lowry Hotel reported fever, dizziness and vomiting after attending a fundraiser at what has been dubbed Manchester's most fashionable hotel.

The outbreak is being linked to chicken pate served at a charity dinner and is now being investigated by the Health Protection Agency (HPA) and officers from Salford council.

The five-star facility gets zero stars for its new addition to the things-not-to-say-after-an-outbreak category: It is the first incident of its kind at the hotel since it opened 10 years ago.

And be careful when lawyers get sick.

Solicitor Alex Speed, 44, from Stockport, told how he fell ill after attending the event. “Based on what our table ate, I know that the people who had the tomato soup as a starter didn't get ill. It's reasonable to assume the pate was responsible.”

He has now launched a compensation claim on behalf of seven clients.

Dr Rosemary McCann, a consultant with the HPA, said 80 guests had so far reported symptoms - and a number of cases of campylobacter had now been confirmed by laboratory tests.

Hotel bosses confirmed that the pate dish had been prepared by hotel staff for the dinner on October 8. General manager Peter Kienast said, “We are determined to get to the cause of the issue and the detailed investigation is reviewing every stage of the process from the food source itself to its delivery.”

'The Lowry Hotel has very stringent procedures and training methods to ensure the highest quality of hygiene in our kitchens.

GM Kienast, you may want to check out those kitchen procedures.

In a new twist to the on-going saga of frozen, not-ready-or-ready-to-eat chicken thingies (below, left), broiled chicken liver products that are linked to a cluster of Salmonellosis illnesses in New Jersey and New York, have been recalled.

No word on how many people are sick.

The illnesses are linked to the consumption of broiled chicken livers which appear to be ready-to-eat, but are in fact partially cooked and need to be fully cooked before consumption. See, it says so on the label (right). Illnesses are also linked to chopped liver made from this product at retail stores. The outbreak strain of Salmonella Heidelberg was isolated by the New York State Department of Agriculture and Market from samples of broiled chicken livers from the establishment, and chopped chicken livers produced at retail from these livers. These products would have been repackaged and will not bear the original packaging information.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) said Schreiber Processing Corporation, a Maspeth, N.Y. establishment, is recalling an undetermined amount of broiled chicken liver products.

The outbreak strain PFGE pattern does not match another strain of Salmonella Heidelberg associated with ground turkey recalled earlier this year. It is not known at this time if this outbreak strain has any drug resistance, but any finding of drug resistance will be made public by FSIS once it becomes available.

The products subject to recall include:
• 10 lb. boxes with two, 5 lb. bags of "Meal Mart Broiled Chicken Liver; Made for Further Thermal Processing"
• 10 lb. boxes of loose packed "Chicken Liver Broiled"